Courtesy of Strange Cosmos, Job Descriptions in the Real World:

A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in
a way you don't understand.

A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells
you the time.

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining
and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. (Mark Twain)

An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he
predicted yesterday didn't happen today.

A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the
personality to be an accountant.

An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that
decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane.
(Laurence J. Peter)

A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat
which isn't there.
(Charles R. Darwin)

A topologist is a man who doesn't know the difference between a coffee
cup and a doughnut.

A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a
"brief."

A psychologist is a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl
enters the room.

A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.

A schoolteacher is a disillusioned woman who used to think she liked
children.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that
you will look forward to the trip.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 05:54 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he
asked about his bill and the barber replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept
money from you; I'm doing community service this week."

The florist is pleased and leaves the shop.

Next morning when the barber goes to open there is a thank you card and
a dozen roses waiting for him at his door

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill
the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm
doing community service this week."

The cop is happy and leaves the shop.

Next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a thank you card
and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Later a Republican comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his
bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from
you; I'm doing community service this week."

The Republican is very happy and leaves the shop.

Next morning when the barber goes to open, there is a thank you card
and a dozen different books such as "How to improve your business" and
"Becoming more successful".

Then a Democrat comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his
bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you;
I'm doing community service this week."

The Democrat is very happy and leaves the shop.

Next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen
Democrats lined up waiting for a free haircut.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 05:49 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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In the 1400's a law was set forth that a man was
not allowed to beat his wife with a stick any thicker
than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of thumb"

Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was
invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies
Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered into
the English language.

The first couple to be shown in bed together
on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

Every day more money is printed for Monopoly
than the US Treasury.

Men can read smaller print than women can;
women can hear better.

Coca-Cola was originally green.

It is impossible to lick your elbow.

The State with the highest percentage of
people who walk to work: Alaska

The percentage of Africa that is wilderness:
28%

(now get this...)

The percentage of North America that is
wilderness: 38%

The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the
age of eleven: $6,400

The average number of people airborne over
the US any given hour: 61,000

Intelligent people have more zinc and copper
in their hair.

The first novel ever written on a typewriter:
Tom Sawyer.

The San Francisco Cable cars are the only
mobile National Monuments.

Each! king in a deck of playing cards
represents a great king from history:

Spades - King David

Hearts - Charlemagne

Clubs -Alexander, the Great

Diamonds - Julius Caesar

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 =
12,345,678,987,654,321

If a statue in the park of a person on a
horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in
battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air,
the person died as a result of wounds received
in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the
ground, the person died of natural causes.

Only two people signed the Declaration
of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock
andCharlesThomson. Most of the rest signed on
August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5
years later.

Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles
of what?

A. Their birthplace

Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is
the most popular boat name requested?

A. Obsession

Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far
would you have to go until you would find the letter
"A"?

A. One thousand

Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes,
windshield wipers, and laser printers all have
in common?

A. All were invented by women.

Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?

A. Honey

Q. Which day are there more collect calls
than any other day of the year?

A. Father's Day

In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were
secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the
ropes, the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to
sleep on. Hence the phrase......... "goodnight, sleep tight."

It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000
years ago that for a month after the wedding,
the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with
all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer
and because their calendar was lunar based, this
period was called the honey month . which we know today
as the honeymoon.

In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and
quarts... So in old England, when customers got
unruly, the bartender would yell at them "Mind
your pints and quarts, and settle down."

It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"

Many years ago in England, pub frequenters
had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their
ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they
used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your
whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.

~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~~~~~~~~

At least 75% of people who read this will try
to lick their elbow

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 04:36 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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G.O.C. in Atlanta had a troll commentor, which Denny used to good effect to put out a rant worthy of the ages on the idiocy inherant on the Liberal side of the spectrum.

For the record, I find myself, as usual, in complete agreement with every point he made, The only I fault I find is the jealousy I feel of his ability to expound in such an incredibly adroit manner.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 05:44 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Yep, there were no ties between Al-Quaida and Saddam...EVERYBODY KNOWS that. The 9/11 Commission said so.

Of course, a court of law that deals with evidence rather than politics, has found differently.

And when Dick Cheney was castigated and called a liar when he responded with "we don't know" when questioned about possible Saddam/Al Quaida ties in 2003. Seems that honestly not knowing at the time was a lie according to the Moonbats; after all, their leaders KNEW that there were no ties, and who can question the leaders? (as long as their statements attack Republican officials) Well, information has come to light to answer that question of ties...within the Iraqi regime's intelligence dept. documents themselves:

..."The goal of the meeting, according to the memo's author, was to discuss "the future of our relationship with him, bin Laden, and to achieve a direct meeting with him." The individual coming to Baghdad, the memo continued, may represent "a way to maintain contacts with bin Laden".

Take those two sources together and I don't think that any honest person can any longer deny the link of Saddam to Terrorism, and in (at the least indirectly)posing a grave threat to the U.S. with his support of groups like Al-Quaida, Hamas, and a number of others.

In looking who was steering the conclusions (of the Commission), we seem to find the architechs of the policies that led to the 9/11 disaster being the foxes guarding the henhouse. more...

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 04:29 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Seems that the Rove story just may disappear as yesterday's news with the revelations that information pertaining to the 9/11 plot may have been availible in late 1999 or early 2000, in fact, information on the plot came as early as 1995, from Abdul Hakim Murad, one of the participants Bojinka bombing plotters in the Phillipines. Murad had offered to give information in exchange for a reduced sentence in the Bojinka bombing plot, but was turned down by Dietrich Snell, a federal prosecutor under Attorney General Janet Reno, who convicted Murad. Mr. Snell was attached to the 9/11 commission as a Senior Counsel/ team leader. The validity of the Commission's final report is starting to smell worse than a fish market in a 90 degree heat wave.

Members of the Commission talk about the ATTA timeline and how the intelligence data didn't agree with the "established" ATTA timeline. In other words the commission started out with a conclusion on ATTA and then made the intelligence fit the desired conclusion. Looking at some of the members, you can see why....they were doing coverup to protect the Clinton 'Legacy'; indeed, were part of the malfeasence themselves (Richard Ben-Veniste, Jamie Gorelick? HELLLLLOOOO!)

I think that we need a new commission to investigate the old one...in the form of a Grand Jury, perhaps.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 03:30 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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A couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks.

He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so
she could zip through traffic around town.

He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but
everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.

"Look!" she said. I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4
seconds or less.

"And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me."

For her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
Services will be at Downing funeral home on Monday; Due to the
condition of the body, this will be a closed casket service.
Please send your donations to the 'Think before you say things to your wife foundation', Dallas,Texas.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 09:05 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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1938-2005

Peter Jennings, 67,long time anchor of ABC News lost his battle with lung cancer tonight.

I did not agree with his political philosophy, but I did admire his work ethic and tenacity. He did his job to the best of his ability and according to his own conscience.

I extend my deepest sympathy to his surviving family members.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 12:07 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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To all those that ask WHY did my (insert military family connection here) have to die in Iraq/Afghanistan?; Mamamontezz has an answer that says it all....in a nutshell, it's because you raised your child correctly, or married a person who was raised correctly.

These are people that knew that Duty, Honor, Country are more than just empty words; and that attitude comes from being raised in an environment where those words DO mean something, at least in lip service.

Damien Cave of the New York Slimes asks "Where are the Heroes"?

Mr Cave, the heroes are ALL those that choose to put on the uniform and put themselves in harms way, and in a sense, the parents that instilled the concepts of Duty, Honor, Country in those brave men and women.

The MSM seems hellbent on undermining every effort to defend this country from the ravages of Islamofacism because they despise the man that had the courage to draw a line and actually enforce/defend that line. They decry the splinter of bias in their opponent's eye while ignoring the log in their own.

I thank God every day that the majority in this country still try to adhere to the fundamental concepts that made this country great, despite the continual barrage of nuance and relativism of the Media elite, and that they elected a man that believes as they do, rather than for the candidate of prepackaged memes and failed ideas of the radical Left.

I am chagrined that that man has not lived up to the full potential of that trust; he seems to have forgotten that our borders need to be made secure, not more poreous, and his aquesience in the realm of expenditures is shameful.
But at least he has the courage to stay the hard course in the face of idiotic but hypervocal appeasment proponents.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 04:49 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Here's some ideas for Commemorative Quarters IF they were going with "truth in advertising"

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 03:43 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.

MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.

JACK AND JILL Went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.

SIMPLE SIMON met a Pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pie man,
"What have you got there?"
Said the Pie man unto Simon,
"Pies, you dumb #$%!"

HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.

HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.

GEORGIE PORGY Pudding and Pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.

There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad........
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 03:28 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Remember -- A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...BUT a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that was fun!"

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 03:17 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot
sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet
or legs. The guy says aloud, "Geesh, I wonder what
happened to this Parrot?"

The parrot responds, "I was born this way. I'm a
defective parrot."

"Holy crap," the guy says. "You actually understood
and answered me!"

"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be
a highly intelligent, thoroughly educated bird."

"Oh yeah?" the guy asks, "Then answer this; how do
you hang onto your perch without any feet?"

The parrot responds, "Well, this is very
embarrassing, but since you asked, I wrap my weenie
around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't
see it because of my feathers."

"Wow," says the guy. "You really can understand and
speak English can't you?"

"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I
can converse with reasonable competence on almost
any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics,
philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You
really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."

The guy looks at the $200 price tag. "Sorry, but I
just can't afford that."

"Pssst", said the parrot, "truth is, nobody wants me
cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me
for $20, just make the guy an offer!" The guy offers
$20 and walks out with the parrot.

Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a
great sense of humor. He's interesting. He's a great
pal. He understands everything. He sympathizes. He's
insightful. The guy is delighted.

One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot
goes, "psssssssssssst," and motions him over with
one wing. I don't know if I should tell you this or
not, but it's about your wife and the postman."

"What are you talking about?" asks the guy.

"When the postman delivered the mail today, your
wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black
nightie and kissed him passionately."

"WHAT???" The guy asks incredulously. "THEN what
happened?"

"Well, then the postman came into the house and put
his hands under her nightie and began petting her
all over," reported the parrot.

"Oh No!," he exclaims. "Then what?"

"Then he lifted up the nightie, began to kiss her
all over, starting with her breasts and slowly...."

"WELL," demands the frantic guy, "THEN WHAT
HAPPENED?"

"Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my
perch."

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 10:33 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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The Limey Pundit has boiled down the WOT to it's essential essence in a manner that even the most stalwart practitioner of the Kool-aid drinking, PC opineing, UNreality based Moonbat Brigade can understand.

Kudos to a Brit that "gets it" with a capitol G.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 08:15 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket and jeans. Saint Peter addresses this cool guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"

The guy replies, "I'm Peter Pilot, retired American Airlines Pilot from Dallas."

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the pilot, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom."

The pilot goes into Heaven with his robe and staff. Next it's the minister's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's in Pasadena for the last 43 years."

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom."

"Just a minute," says the minister. "that man was a pilot and he gets a silken robe and golden staff, and I get only cotton and wood? How can this be?"

"Up here - - we work by results," says Saint Peter, "while you preached - - people slept; while he flew - -- people prayed."

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 02:48 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I've written about it before, and here I go again. There is an idea for a radically different tax system for our country called the Fair Tax. It's been presented in H.R.25 for congressional debate. Now it is up to US to ensure that it gets a fair hearing. The politicians won't even let it get out of a committee hearing if WE don't tell them that this is an idea that should at get a fair debate on it's merits.

The reason for this is obvious; the Fair Tax, if enacted, would strip a great deal of power out of the hands of the politicians and return it to the people. Politicians would no longer be able to manipulate the tax code to their benefit, giving large tax breaks to those in a position to contribute to their campaign war chests. It would put the people back in a position to control what they pay in taxes through their spending habits.

Here is why I support the Fair Tax proposal

1. It would eleminate all hidden taxes in the goods and services we purchase, letting us make a truly informed decision about what we buy.

2. It would be a truely progressive tax; eleminating the "class war" wedge used by populist politicians to pit the various segments of our society against each other, and bring the political debate back to "is this proposed legislation truly good for our country".

3 It eliminates any taxes being paid by "the poor"; and immediatly raises their usable income by some 25%.

4. It removes the incentive of Big Business to pay for a politician to try to gain a step up on their competition.

5. It would lower the tax burden on the average family, allowing for more "stay at home parents", it would no longer be NECESSARY for both parents to work, just to be capable of paying their tax burden.

6. It would eleminate all inheritence taxes, allowing small family businesses/farms to continue past the unexpected death of their founders.

7. Most important, it would put CONTROL back in the hands of the individual and open up the dark recesses of government spending manipulation to the light.

8. It would infuse a HUGE influx of capitol into the economy, lifting it to heights that would be unheard of under our present system...think about all the money presently held in offshore tax shelters coming back and actually being used to boost the economy....not to mention the fact that it would make the U.S. the most attractive place for foreign investors to put their capitol in the world. It would have the potential of wiping out our our national debt in a matter of months.

Read H.R.25 and decide for yourself. If you give it honest thought and compare it to what we are bound by today, I feel confident that you will join in and contact your representatives to tell them that the time has come for REAL tax reform.

Go to Amazon.com and get the Fair Tax book that explains the proposal and it's costs/benefits in plain language.

The time to act is now.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 02:29 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out."

As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention.

The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow. The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 05:20 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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just to ease back into the groove of posting easily, I've decided to start off with a quick round-up of some things that you should read to get the old thought processes going.

First off, a post from the Emperor Misha of the Rottweiler Empire. As always, he gets right to the heart of the issue. I concur with him completely.

Next comes this gem from my own better half, demonstrating the laziness of the MSM in covering the story. Like she says:"See how it works, people? And isn't it sad that it takes some old chick on dial-up on a busted office chair with nothing but a pig lamp for light to do this, while the journo-types get paid good money to turn out half-assed articles. And don't talk deadlines. I did this in an hour. Most deadlines are more lenient than that, unless one has been hiding in the lounge at the hotel for too long and cut themselves short."

Next we have Kim du Toit's launching of something that every homeschooler should be interested in DidToday is THE resource that makes home schooling really practical and achievable for the masses.

TNS of Bitter Rants has an idea for expanding the war on Terror...overloading the religious discussions of the Mullahs of the ROP by forcing them to have to issue fatwas against us all.
All I have to say, while munching on a tasty BLT (heavy on the bacon), using my copy of the Queran as a leveling wedge on that short leg of my computer desk, and swilling a particularly tasty bottle of Poorter Ale, is WHERE IS MY fatwa?

Acidman has a list of ten things that he Just WON'T DO. they sounded like a pretty good list to me.

And last, Neal Boortz has a reply for a liar reviewing his book on the Fair Tax(H.R.25). The more I look into the Fair Tax, the more I am in favor of it. Study it for yourself, and if you are as agreeable to the idea as I am, contact your representatives and tell them to back it. We need this legislation to bring sanity back to our tax system, IMO. there are flaws, as in any system, but this is the most well thought out proposal to come down the pike in many a year.

Thats it for now...I know none of it is original, but I hope it does provide you some food for thought. I'll try to get something of my own up soon. Seems absence of practice has made it harder to formulate thought in a coherant format, but I'm sure that I just need to flex those underused muscles a little to get back up to my mediocre level of opining.

Once again, THANK YOU to all that have remained loyal readers through the recent troubles.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 03:02 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Just got the DSL connection back up and running full tilt, so I intend to get down and put up some posts and try to revive this moribund Blog. Thank you to all my readers that kept the faith and kept me going through this difficult period.

Let me do a little surfing and I'l come up with some posts a little later today.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 01:38 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Courtesy of Strange Cosmos:

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 01:34 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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